.​.​.​of a cold winter

by Gardener

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
Of Emptiness (and other pressing matters) 03:47
lyrics
buy track
What do I do with all this spare time? Starve with my thoughts alone in the night Hold down food, but what does that serve? Everything bleeds and reason will churn But I drove here to see you I hope I don’t love too much Empty rooms, with their curtains closed This songbird seldom flies What colours your eyes? What do I do if I forget how to drive? I’ll choke on the pill that keeps me alive Should I not mourn this life I don’t earn? I’m thin as the smoke, and hell as the burn But I dressed up to see you I hope I don’t talk too much Vacant smiles, where nothing penetrates What is the note you sing? A more consuming thing What do I do if I forget how to learn? Stitch a tight mouth, like a kid never heard Should I not cry when an ocean consumes All the nice things I never could do But I have your number I don’t want a place in your book Empty tables where the light hesitates What is the weight it brings? A warmer thing A weightless thing A priceless word You The death of emptiness
2.
My Womanhood has an Asterisk 01:49
lyrics
buy track
All my life will be defined As less than true A nervous statement Oh, that’s fine Loneliness makes me powerless But I’ve lost my worth In some trite word you have said That’s fine I’ll define, or be defined I claw through traps I pierce like lightning Cold through fire When I awoke, I paused and stared A precious gleam An old and aching truth Sunrise
3.
Of Childhood 03:46
lyrics
buy track
Here where my head rests, decay steals some pure state What can I rectify? What made us celebrate? There where my heart beats, a faint voice will leave no trace What a birthday, what a stretch of plains All the grace of childhood; all the evenings stay All the whirlwinds braved What a pining face, what a fearless change You felt such a sudden turn You saw the dimmest light begin to burn What can I give to you that doesn’t limp away? ‘Cause I want you to know I have ambitions just like everyone I can smile like everyone I can’t confront that send-off Can I prove myself to you someday? Can we go somewhere today?
4.
Trauma Queen 02:47
lyrics
buy track
“And after tomorrow, Will you wield that knife in your worst days?” You cannot expect me To not cut a hole through your plans But maybe by next year Fear won’t fuel fear And pain will kill pain But if it does, you won’t know How about tomorrow? Could it be not as hard as it seems? I don’t know who I am Or the strength I need to keep pushing But maybe by next year Fear won’t fuel fear And pain will kill pain But if it does, you won’t know After tomorrow I will wait for an answer from someone
5.
Freezing Rain 02:51
lyrics
buy track
Wait for me, then I’ll freeze In your arms or by your side Hold me, then I’ll grieve In the corner of your eye Morning Gagged with ice I broke the door I slammed hard Mirror Motion lags I tell myself To look straight Memory Is a cage That limits What you might think You ought to be! Wait for me, then I’ll freeze In your arms or by your side Hold me, then I’ll grieve In the corner of your eye Evening In a haze I cut my hair I close my eyes Even In the dark There is a fear A sharp light Empty There’s a pulse Nothing solid Nor thought-out That ought to be! Wait for me, then I’ll freeze In your arms or by your side Hold me, then I’ll grieve In the corner of your eye Wait for me, then I’ll freeze In your arms or by your side Hold me, then I’ll grieve (Hold me, and my dead weight) In the corner of your eye (And this person in your life)
6.
Snow 02:03
lyrics
buy track
There’s snow on the street Smoking chimneys I sleep on the ice And I’ll dive beneath There’s nowhere I can go I bring in floods with the snow Abigail writes letters About summertime She hesitates to tell me What’s on her mind There’s nowhere I can go I bring in floods with the snow I weigh in her heart with my breath There’s nowhere I can go Peter always laughs When he talks to me I don't have the courage To ask him out There’s nowhere I can go I bring in floods with the snow He weighs in my heart with his voice There’s nowhere I can go
7.
Rings 03:32
lyrics
buy track
I lay out all my flesh Dams of tears, and held breath I close my eyes So I can explain: all the ways I want to die All the scars I couldn’t hide Don’t let me rot I admit this as my sins I’m still that stupid kid, as a lifetime is a ring-around A biteless tooth There’s no one at the end Holding a light By right Let, let that wind that never breaks Let it sweep the barren soil While winter still sleeps Oh how it all could change I don’t know what’s wrong I can’t feel that sun I thought there would be someone to hold my hand When all went wrong Was it just a song That the children would sing with overflowing love Flowering buds Around dirt I close My eyes And you surround me, whispering I’ll be fine someday If I let you pry in, and listen Will I be fine someday?

about

"...of a cold winter" is my first mini-album. The majority of the album was done over a couple weeks in November and December. However, "Of Emptiness" and "Of Childhood" were penned in September, 2021.

There isn't much of concept around this album, but there are many lyrical parallels throughout the album. I was in the midst of an intense depressive episode throughout the majority of its creation and this album is how I coped. There are reoccurring ideas throughout the album that were on my mind a lot me during this time. I made this album for myself primarily but nonetheless I hope you like it. Although the album was assembled quite quickly, I still put a lot of care into it.

Note that "Of Emptiness" and "Freezing Rain" were both subject to file corruptions at different stages of recording. Any issues found with the mixing and mastering may be because of that (or it might just be my usual level of incompetence).

Links: linktr.ee/gardenertheartist

credits

released December 29, 2021

All songs written, performed, produced, mixed, and mastered by Jasmine Bradley

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Gardener image

Gardener Nova Scotia

Gardener is an indie project created by Jasmine Bradley. She is based out of Nova Scotia, Canada.

contact / help

Contact Gardener

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

Gardener recommends:

If you like Gardener, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Seafood Sam joins the show to discuss his newest album, " Standing On Giant Shoulders".
listen now