1. |
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What do I do with all this spare time?
Starve with my thoughts alone in the night
Hold down food, but what does that serve?
Everything bleeds and reason will churn
But I drove here to see you
I hope I don’t love too much
Empty rooms, with their curtains closed
This songbird seldom flies
What colours your eyes?
What do I do if I forget how to drive?
I’ll choke on the pill that keeps me alive
Should I not mourn this life I don’t earn?
I’m thin as the smoke, and hell as the burn
But I dressed up to see you
I hope I don’t talk too much
Vacant smiles, where nothing penetrates
What is the note you sing?
A more consuming thing
What do I do if I forget how to learn?
Stitch a tight mouth, like a kid never heard
Should I not cry when an ocean consumes
All the nice things I never could do
But I have your number
I don’t want a place in your book
Empty tables where the light hesitates
What is the weight it brings?
A warmer thing
A weightless thing
A priceless word
You
The death of emptiness
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2. |
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All my life will be defined
As less than true
A nervous statement
Oh, that’s fine
Loneliness makes me powerless
But I’ve lost my worth
In some trite word you have said
That’s fine
I’ll define, or be defined
I claw through traps
I pierce like lightning
Cold through fire
When I awoke, I paused and stared
A precious gleam
An old and aching truth
Sunrise
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3. |
Of Childhood
03:46
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Here where my head rests, decay steals some pure state
What can I rectify? What made us celebrate?
There where my heart beats, a faint voice will leave no trace
What a birthday, what a stretch of plains
All the grace of childhood; all the evenings stay
All the whirlwinds braved
What a pining face, what a fearless change
You felt such a sudden turn
You saw the dimmest light begin to burn
What can I give to you that doesn’t limp away?
‘Cause I want you to know
I have ambitions just like everyone
I can smile like everyone
I can’t confront that send-off
Can I prove myself to you someday?
Can we go somewhere today?
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4. |
Trauma Queen
02:47
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“And after tomorrow,
Will you wield that knife in your worst days?”
You cannot expect me
To not cut a hole through your plans
But maybe by next year
Fear won’t fuel fear
And pain will kill pain
But if it does, you won’t know
How about tomorrow?
Could it be not as hard as it seems?
I don’t know who I am
Or the strength I need to keep pushing
But maybe by next year
Fear won’t fuel fear
And pain will kill pain
But if it does, you won’t know
After tomorrow
I will wait for an answer from someone
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5. |
Freezing Rain
02:51
|
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Wait for me, then I’ll freeze
In your arms or by your side
Hold me, then I’ll grieve
In the corner of your eye
Morning
Gagged with ice
I broke the door
I slammed hard
Mirror
Motion lags
I tell myself
To look straight
Memory
Is a cage
That limits
What you might think
You ought to be!
Wait for me, then I’ll freeze
In your arms or by your side
Hold me, then I’ll grieve
In the corner of your eye
Evening
In a haze
I cut my hair
I close my eyes
Even
In the dark
There is a fear
A sharp light
Empty
There’s a pulse
Nothing solid
Nor thought-out
That ought to be!
Wait for me, then I’ll freeze
In your arms or by your side
Hold me, then I’ll grieve
In the corner of your eye
Wait for me, then I’ll freeze
In your arms or by your side
Hold me, then I’ll grieve
(Hold me, and my dead weight)
In the corner of your eye
(And this person in your life)
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6. |
Snow
02:03
|
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There’s snow on the street
Smoking chimneys
I sleep on the ice
And I’ll dive beneath
There’s nowhere I can go
I bring in floods with the snow
Abigail writes letters
About summertime
She hesitates to tell me
What’s on her mind
There’s nowhere I can go
I bring in floods with the snow
I weigh in her heart with my breath
There’s nowhere I can go
Peter always laughs
When he talks to me
I don't have the courage
To ask him out
There’s nowhere I can go
I bring in floods with the snow
He weighs in my heart with his voice
There’s nowhere I can go
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7. |
Rings
03:32
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I lay out all my flesh
Dams of tears, and held breath
I close my eyes
So I can explain: all the ways I want to die
All the scars I couldn’t hide
Don’t let me rot
I admit this as my sins
I’m still that stupid kid, as a lifetime is a ring-around
A biteless tooth
There’s no one at the end
Holding a light
By right
Let, let that wind that never breaks
Let it sweep the barren soil
While winter still sleeps
Oh how it all could change
I don’t know what’s wrong
I can’t feel that sun
I thought there would be someone to hold my hand
When all went wrong
Was it just a song
That the children would sing with overflowing love
Flowering buds
Around dirt
I close
My eyes
And you surround me, whispering
I’ll be fine someday
If I let you pry in, and listen
Will I be fine someday?
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Gardener Nova Scotia
Gardener is an indie project created by Jasmine Bradley. She is based out of Nova Scotia, Canada.
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